Space Invaders

My best friend of *muffled numbers* years and I were on the phone this morning, (yes, if you haven't noticed, we pretty much talk on a daily basis, and usually on multiple occasions throughout the day. So often in fact that one of her biological sisters - she knows who she is - has nicknamed me "the other woman.") Any-who, we were on the phone trying to have a conversation, and as always happens, our collective five children decided that was the exact moment they all needed to say something, ask something, do something, chit-chat, or whatever. Our conversations tend to go something like this;

Me: "So as I was thinking about my blog-----no, honey, I cant help you with the video game right this second, I'm on the phone---Where was I? Oh yeah, the blog, I was thinking I would-----no, son, I said no company today, give me a second to talk on the phone---OK, I'm back, sorry. What was I saying?----stop honey, you're going to get in trouble and have to get off the computer.....

Meanwhile, on the other end of the phone;

Her: "yeah, I was thinking about mine too---no I already told you you couldn't have anyone over today, can't you see I'm on the phone-----yeah, blog, that's what you were saying---you're going where with who? We'll talk about that in a minute, let me finish this conversation---you were saying you were thinking about----what do you think you are doing?.......

And thus goes almost every conversation we ever have. Why? It's the space invaders.

The moment my hand touches the phone, they go on red alert. They don't even have the courtesy to start off with the slow, alternating "BUMP bump BUMP bump" (you 80's children will hear that sound in your head right about now.) NOOOOOO, they jump right into the "I'm about to smash through your defenses and there's nothing you can do about it" rapid cycling "BUMPbumpBUMPbumpBUMPbump" with their little alien pincher thingies opening and closing as they do that rapid crab-like sideways approach!

That doesn't just apply to phone conversations either. When I sit at my computer and simply look at it, they will leave me alone. When my hand reaches for the keyboard, however, here they come. BUMPbumpBUMPbumpBUMPbump. Mom, I'm hungry again----just one second, let me finish typing this sentence----Mom,mom,mom,mom,mom,mom,mom,mom----WHAT sweetie---can we have three dogs and four cats?-----hold on just one second, let me just----Hey Mom, can *insert friends name here* come over? I haven't had anyone over today, pleeeeease---just let me---mom,mom,mom,mom,mom,mom,------sweetie, just a----but cant we have four dogs and three cats then?----

It doesn't stop with bathroom boundaries either. You would think that would be a safe place at least, but nooooooo. Ah, the quiet, peaceful bathroom. A moment to sit and reflect and plan and dream...... but the second the cheeks hit the seat, I am effectively trapped. BUMPbumpBUMPbumpBUMPbump. knock knock knock---who is it, what do you want----Mom, *insert friends name here* just called, can he come over for a few hours?-----I'm in the bathroom, we'll talk when I get out---mom,mom,mom,mom,mom,mom,mom,mom,---WHAT?!?!?!?!?!---can we have a turtle and a bunny and four cats and three dogs?----Go----A----WAY---knock knock knock---WHAT! WHAT! WHAT!----can *insert friends name here* please please please come over. If he doesn't come over now he will be stuck at his grandmas for hours and hours and he really doesn't want to go but his dad said if he cant come over here now he has to go over there and he will be bored to death and he said please please please------*FLUSH*---- mom,mom,mom,mom,mom,mom,mom----so much for peace and quiet and reflection.

Some of you might say I should simply ignore them until I am finished doing whatever it is I am doing, but that does not work. The last time I did that, my barely five year old daughter found a phone book, looked up pet stores and called one on the phone. The lady answered and my little girl said "I want a pet!" She then handed me the phone and said "I called a pet store.....here." I could hear the lady talking. I looked at the phone in disbelief. I did what any normal person would do..... I hung up.

Because I am a mother, I have effectively lost all peace and privacy privileges. If only I had known! Bah, that isn't true. They may drive me crazy, but I wouldn't trade them for all the peace and privacy in the world. For every moment they drive me nuts, there are a million that make me smile, that entertain me, that make me proud beyond my wildest dreams. Still, it would be nice to go to the bathroom alone once in a while, to talk on the phone uninterrupted now and then, to get on my computer and.....wait........whats that sound in the distance?......

BUMPbumpBUMPbumpBUMPbump